Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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