I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize