During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
