New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My dick has a subreddit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
