i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
its liver damage thursday
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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