oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.