i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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