can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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