I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.