my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.