how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.