Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
