I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So squirting runs in the family.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There's even glitter on my cock...
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