We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
