true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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