I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
