Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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