Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
