he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
