i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
