I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
