i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
