i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
