i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ugly people sure do ruin things
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
