i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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