Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
