you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
