Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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