he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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