I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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