dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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