Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
