bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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