You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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