Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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