piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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