im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
