Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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