She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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