Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
