I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
