glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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