Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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