Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he shaved USA in his pubs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
