hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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