I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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