Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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