New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize