do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
