peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
