His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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