If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
