all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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