i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
