This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
