by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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