Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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