I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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