You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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