Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
