youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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