im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
