I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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