That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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