with your own penis?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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Green mimosas i think yes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize