I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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