No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
