We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
