If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
