Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
