Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
